How to be Happy and Successful — Live with No Regrets

Ultimately it is up to you to determine if you are happy or successful. Your assessment is the only one that matters.

Bronnie Ware, an Australian palliative care nurse, who asked her patients about their regrets and things that they would do differently. She recorded this clarity of vision that people gain at the end of their lives.  In her blog and book, The Top 5 Regrets of the Dying, she shared learnings from their wisdom. Here are the common themes that surfaced again and again.

I wish I'd dared to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me

This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realize until they no longer have it."

So often we make decisions in our life based on what others want or believe. We see it as the path of least resistance. You got a university degree because it’s what your parents wanted. You took a specific job because you wanted to make more money to support your family. You didn’t pursue your dreams because someone told you they were foolish.

What would happen if you lived a life that was true to yourself, and no one else?

• How would you dress?
• Where would you work?
• How would you live?
• Who would you spend your time with?
• What would you do if you were not afraid of what others would think?

Although there are specific constraints on you, the closer you can come to living that real life, the happier you will be.

The most successful among us are walking flaws who have maximized one or two strengths.” —Tim Ferriss

You need to understand our behavioural strengths and challenges. You will be happier doing something you are good at doing. Leveraging our strengths helps us get there. However, understanding the behaviours of successful people in our chosen role and effectively managing our behavioural challenges is the secret to success.

I wish I hadn’t worked so hard

This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence."

Ware reported that she heard this from most of her male patients. Many think if they want a promotion or a raise they must work 60 to 80 hours a week.  Is it worth it for you?

Life is too short to be scared and not take risks. I'd rather be the person that's like, 'I messed up,' than, 'I wish I did that.' —Justine Skye

Which is more important to you?

• Working hard to earn all that money
• Having a different lifestyle

With a few conscious choices, you can tweak your lifestyle to make it possible. If you are doing something that you are exceptional at doing (levering your strengths) — less can be more.

I wish I'd dared to express my feelings

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result."

How often do you bite your tongue to keep the peace? We’re told, “Don’t get so emotional about it,” or “Don’t let your emotions rule you.” However, your emotions are your truth. No one can deny how you feel about something.

The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.” ― Helen Keller

You cannot control how other people react. However, you can control how you respond. That does not mean you should break down crying in your next board meeting. However, you can take your emotions and channel them into positive change. Having a productive conversation with someone, or a lifestyle shift, your feelings—even negative ones can have a substantial positive impact on your career and your life.

I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends

Often, they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks, and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying."

If you are working too much, it is easy to let personal relationships slide. However, your connections are what give life meaning—not your reports and promotions and pay raise.

It's all about quality of life and finding a happy balance between work and friends and family.”—Philip Green

Also consider the time consumed for other things such as television, video games and social media. Would it be better to spend some of this time on personal relationships?

• Who could you reach out to today?
• Who could you call, email, or text and let them know you are thinking of them?
• How would it make you feel?
• How would it make them feel?

It is a no-lose situation.

I wish that I had let myself be happier

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again."

There is much wisdom tied up in that little statement. Happiness, it turns out, does not have that much to do with the car you drive or the job you have or even the person you spend your life with. Happiness is an individual choice.

Every day we have plenty of opportunities to get angry, stressed or offended. But what you're doing when you indulge these negative emotions is giving something outside yourself power over your happiness. You can choose to not let little things upset you.”—Joel Osteen

Happiness is the difference between seeing an unexpected event as a setback or an adventure; the difference between being frustrated by a delay or relishing the time alone; the difference between resenting someone for who they aren’t and loving them for who they are.

Happy and Successful — Final Thoughts

Previously I shared that lucky people stroll along with their eyes wide open. They see the opportunities. Lucky people appear to have an uncanny ability to be in the right place at the right time and enjoy more than their fair share of lucky breaks.

Whether you think you can, or you think you can't--you're right.” ― Henry Ford

You do not have to repeat the mistakes of those who have gone before us. Your happiness, your success, nearly every detail of your life comes down to choice. You can choose to live the way you want to live. Be intentional about the choices you make — you will find success and you will be happy.