How to Handle Negative Emotions — Reappraisal

At work, we all experience emotions such as frustration, anger, fear, and excitement. However, how a leader handles these feelings goes a long way toward shaping the work environment. They either build a healthy workplace climate — motivating team members or destroying morale and discourage employees. So, it is essential that a leader develops the ability to regulate their emotions.

“If you're the only one that can see the genius in you, it's best you revisit the drawing board.” ― Nike Thaddeus

I coached many youth sports — hockey, soccer, lacrosse, and baseball. As a student of leadership, I was always learning from my players. Unlike employees, most kids wear their emotions on their sleeve. You get immediate feedback (whether you want it or not). However, they also quickly respond to motivational insights.

Take this sports scenario: Your soccer team is playing in a critical game and is down by one goal. Just before half-time, after being fouled your star gets a penalty kick, but the keeper makes a great save. He walks off the field with his head in his hands. Your players are disappointed and upset. However, it would be best if you got your team over this setback. You have 15 minutes to get them ready to return to the field. You want to start the second half with team members feeling pumped and motivated. So, to get started, what is best?

• Should you master your frustration, put on a fake smile, and not discuss the incident?
• Should you be honest and fully express your feelings?

Neither is the right course of action as it turns out.

To Do Well — Manage Emotions Well

”People don’t leave jobs, they leave toxic cultures.” — Amina Aitsi-Selmi

Yale researcher Marc Brackett, and author of Permission to Feel found that emotion regulation may be the “master skill,” of emotional intelligence. His research on emotional regulation suggests that a coach’s ability to manage his or her emotions determines team morale and motivation.

Moreover, how a leader manages his or her emotions is critical in determining whether the outcome for the team will be negative or positive. The research shows that people tend to regulate their emotions in one of two ways: suppression or reappraisal.

Suppressing Feelings is a Common Response

Most people choose suppression. They suppress their feelings and pretend not to feel upset. While this is a common strategy, it leads to a host of adverse outcomes for the person:

• elevated blood pressure
• fewer close relationships
• poorer memory
• less social support
• more negative emotions
• lower satisfaction with life

Also, the research shows that suppressing emotions elevates other people’s stress response. As a coach, if you hide your anger, the blood pressure of your players is likely to rise. The players may not consciously know that you are angry since you are suppressing the emotion. However, they are physiologically registering your inauthenticity. It sets off an alarm and their blood pressure increases.

So, given the negative impacts of suppression, you may think that fully expressing your emotions is a better strategy. In doing so, however, you could also have destructive consequences. If as the coach, you fully expressed the frustration you are feeling in the moment, you would destroy the confidence of his players. Instead of inspiring connection and motivation in your team, you leave your players feeling fearful and dejected.

Reappraisal Is A Better Strategy

Reassessing an emotional situation is the best strategy in this situation. So, as the coach remind yourself that “the game is only over when it’s over.” This game is just one of many in the season. There will be other opportunities for your team to shine. The reappraisal will help you calm down.

Consequently, you will perceive that your players are disappointed too. So, instead of piling on more grief, they need encouragement. Start your half-time meeting by acknowledging everyone’s disappointment. However, emphasize that the outcome of the game depends on their determination to meet this challenge. There is no need to be down. In the second half, they can turn the game around.

The results are better for you as the coach and your players.

Reappraising Coaches Make Teams Better

Yale’s Emma Seppälä and Christina Bradley recently conducted a study with 15 varsity teams. The coaches who tended to reappraise more often experienced fewer negative emotions overall than coaches who managed to suppress their feelings. Also, the reappraising coaches had more positive team climates, characterized by trust, communication, and motivation.

Leadership Research Supports Reappraisal Findings

Research shows that emotion regulation is an essential competence for successful leaders. One of the performance traits of influential leaders is the ability to both manage and influence the emotional states of those they lead. So, leaders must be able to inspire and instil confidence in their followers. This approach helps team members maintain motivation and cope in the face of difficulty. It is a complicated task. Moreover, they need to be able to regulate their feelings effectively to be effective.

Research on leader-follower interactions supports the potential benefits of reappraisal. One study showed that leaders who used reappraisal rather than suppression when delivering unwelcome news helped their followers manage their anger responses. However, the followers of leaders who used suppression in this paradigm tended to express more anger. Also, they reported negative attitudes toward their leaders.

Practice Reappraisal

“Through clear instruction and regular practice, meditation will help you experience a deeper connection to your senses, your body, your emotions, and the boundless frontier of your thinking mind.” ― Benjamin W Decker

It is challenging to focus on reappraisal during times of crisis. A research-backed technique can help you. First,  reframe the problem as a challenge rather than as a threat. There is mounting evidence showing that appraising issues as a challenge rather than as a threat will help you people concentrate on the task at hand. Moreover, you will consider the steps you have to take to succeed. Using this challenge frame will build your resilience in the face of stress.

However, in contrast, if you perceive the problem as a threat, your performance and motivation will decrease, and your stress levels will increase.

The research shows that using just your breath; you can rapidly calm your emotions. Inhaling increases your heart rate.  While exhaling lowers your blood pressure. Just breathe out for twice as long as you inhale. You can do this exercise anytime — even in the middle of a meeting. When you have more time, try this exercise which takes you through a specific breathing practice that can calm you down quickly.

“By teaching executives how to manage themselves through something as easy as breathing, you can make an enormous difference to their teams.” — Johann Berlin

So, when your stress levels are high, regain your cool through deep breathing. Then you can reappraise.

It is best if you are prepared for high-stakes situations when you will most need to regulate. Practice the above exercises daily and in low-stakes circumstances. You will be ready to deal with challenges when things get stressful.

Concluding Thoughts

When you are stressed, you revert to your preferred traits. Understanding your performance traits guides to career success. You develop strategies to use situational strengths — the right strength to the right level at the right time.

Self-mastery is being in control of your internal thought processes — the ones that guide your emotions, habits, behaviours, and performance traits. You can choose to respond rather than react. You do the former with intention and awareness, while the latter is visceral and without reason.

“Watch your thoughts, they become words; watch your words, they become actions; watch your actions, they become habits; watch your habits, they become character; watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”— Frank Outlaw

It seems counterintuitive, however being selfish and focusing on enriching yourself will lead to being selfless and improving the lives of the people around you.

“Becoming the best version of yourself will equip you to spark change in others.” -Thai Nguyen

While toxic work cultures are the end result of many factors, it is usually a combination of poor leadership and individuals who perpetuate the culture. It starts with those at the top. So, if you are the leader show — respect, integrity, authenticity, appreciation, empathy, and trust.

Toxicity in the workplace is costly. Unhappy or disengaged employees cost organizations billions of dollars each year. Once you identify the major problems, develop a plan and follow through. It may mean training, moving or simply getting rid of bad bosses who are the root cause of toxicity in the work place. Show employees you care and are committed to improving their workplace environment. Your employees are your greatest asset, so treat them well.