Everyone likes to moan about their boss, but unhappiness at work often goes beyond venting to colleagues over sandwiches or a pint. A Gallup study found that almost 50 percent of people had left a job to get away from poor managers.
'Take responsibility': it is the first step” Richard Boston, psychologist and executive coach
However, what do you do if you have a problem manager but still enjoy your role and like the company? Instead of leaving — and all the stress that goes with it — might it be possible to mend a bad workplace relationship?
People leave managers, not organizations
We have all heard it before that people leave managers, not organizations. The top benefit any employee can have is an excellent manager. However, no one is talking about it.
About one in two employees have left a job to get away from a manager during his or her career, according to Gallup's State of the American Manager report. Also, the people who made the change, report that they improved their overall life.
Unfortunately, bad managers are plentiful. They leave an impression. Everyone relates to the sense of dread about coming to work when a manager makes an otherwise excellent job feel like a dead end.
Do your part
Subordinates should consider doing their part in the relationship and learning to empathize with their boss. Boston distills his theory in a new book, Boss Factor: 10 Lessons in Managing Up for Mutual Gain.
“The reason I did not call the book How to Hoodwink Your Boss is because I really want people to think: ‘Actually, I need to take responsibility in this. So if I accept that maybe my boss is 90 percent to blame for my current situation, and I am 10 percent to blame, that 10 percent is the bit I can change.” — Richard Boston
If a team member senses the boss is often interfering, something is probably perpetuating that behaviour. If you are the only person, they are doing this with; there is a chance that you are part of the problem. However, it might be you are one of many they are doing this too. This reality means your contribution to the problem is closer to that ten percent. Moreover, it could be the way you react when the boss interferes.
The employee is slightly passive-aggressive or withholds information.
As an alternative, a subordinate could think about the times their boss does not interfere and find the factors that could enable them to let go more of the time.
Mary-Clare Race, an organizational psychologist at MindGym, which helps develop leadership skills and business relationships, also stresses the need to take responsibility for relationships at work.
“Often, when negative behaviours, such as being overly-critical, are coming to the fore, it is where the boss is maybe not getting what they need from you. So, there is the opportunity to look at your performance with a more honest lens. However, I also think about what other things you could be doing to make their life easier.” — Mary-Clare Race
Learn to live with your boss
- Take responsibility for your role in the relationship
- Seek to find ways to work around his or her dysfunctional tendencies
- Empathize — try to put yourself in your manager’s shoes
- Learn to expect bad behaviour and pre-empt it
- Forecast potential conflicts and have solutions ready
- Ready to quit? Ask to meet potential new bosses before you move
While it may seem like pandering to their bad behaviour, there are easy fixes.
Try to discover ways to work around your manager’s dysfunctional tendencies. If they are volatile, change their mind often, or claim to forget conversations, try to document interactions, so you have something to refer to.
It would be best if you take the time to understand your manger’s preferred way of working. Then try to match it. For example, he or she may be impatient. So, be succinct when you speak and in written communication.
Another tip is to learn to expect bad behaviour and pre-empt it where possible. If a manager tends to micromanage, find ways to be proactive about getting things done ahead of time. Moreover, have someone check your work before your boss sees it. You are giving them less opportunity for criticism.
Most bosses, no matter how difficult, believe that he or she is doing the right thing given what they have to work with. So, empathy is essential. Empathy is a tool. It helps you get what you want in a healthy way — understanding someone else’s worldview from their perspective.
Case study: the email-loving boss
Lisa Wood is a communications professional, and at a previous workplace, she experienced working with a manager who would prefer to communicate via email rather than face-to-face and mainly out of working hours.
“I think they found it difficult to talk face-to-face, but they were also swamped and sending emails at night was their way of catching up with work,” she says.
Most evenings Ms. Wood would get home to numerous emails about work and at first, started to reply to each one. But it would lead to a difficult chain of messages throughout the evening.
“In the end, I stopped replying because I found I was finding it hard to switch off before bed, getting stressed about work.”
Ms. Wood decided to take control of the problem and made a plan to instead go to her manager’s office each morning to sit down with the emails and review any issues face-to-face. “I made it clear I did not want to communicate via email and that if there were any issues or correspondence about work which needed to be had, I would much prefer it face-to-face,” she says.
The manager was at first taken aback, she adds. But in the end, if transformed the relationship and “made for a much happier working environment.”
Randall Peterson, professor of organizational behaviour at London Business School, also advises employees to put themselves in their manager’s shoes. “You would be surprised how insightful that can be,” he says.
It is also vital to predicting potential conflict. Moreover, you need to develop strategies to steer round problems. When you think about ways to resolve conflict, suggest solutions that you believe will not just work for you but your boss.
For example, if you are presenting to a boss and it is unlikely that he or she will be happy with what you.
“I anticipate you are not going to be entirely happy with this. Here are my thoughts on how to resolve this problem. We need to deal with this, and I know it is not exactly what you were hoping for.” — Randall Peterson
When is it time to write off the relationship and decide it is time to quit?
If you think your manager is incompetent, you are likely holding your boss in contempt, so it is probably time to move on.
However, beware of taking the problems from your current office into a new job. At least make some steps to help resolve things before you move on.
At an interview, ask to talk to members of the team before you decide to take the role. People might be a bit resistant. However, it shows proactivity.
Ask questions of a potential boss,
- What is it they need in someone that they are leading, bringing the best out of them?
- What do they find challenging when leading other people if they do, or do not do, certain things?
When being managed by someone new, there is an opportunity to “set a new psychological contract.” Be clear about what you need from your manager, how the manager can get the best from you, and when you are likely to need your manager’s support.
Moreover, everyone, however happy at work, can benefit from an annual reset with their boss: Can we look at how things will be on both sides?’
Concluding Thoughts
All managers are in a leadership role. They need to be both a great manager and a great leader.
People often blame managers when they should be blaming the system. Some people blame their manager for lack of career progression. Sometimes they are right. However, often the progression of a manager’s direct reports is out of his or her control. Factors such as how the company is structured, what type of work the business is prioritizing and how the organization thinks about applying people to that work all come in to play.
Skilled managers make a big difference, of course. That is why selecting the right ones needs to be a top priority. Also, there are things that an organization can do to create an environment for engagement, which managers alone cannot do. They need your help.
Inspired by an article by Janina Connote, Financial Times
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